We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
