Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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