he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
