Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
