I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
