is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
