Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
