i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
