I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
