Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
