I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
