i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
