I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
