I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
