can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
