cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
