Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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