I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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