They should really pass out barf bags in church
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
