I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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