The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
