The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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