Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
