there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
