Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
