I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
