I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
third nipple confirmed
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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