I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
