when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
