Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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