Im at strip club and am horny
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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