It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
