GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
