Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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