Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
