I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
