my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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