Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
