Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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