The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
