dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I would ride that face into the sunset
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
