areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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