we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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