Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
