OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
