I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
