why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
