my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
