Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
