I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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