i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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