On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
