Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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