I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize