I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
