Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
