i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
