forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
