I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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