please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
its not stalking. its research.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
