I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
