so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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