Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
