Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
