Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
