Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize