In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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