I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
