just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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