i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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