I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
