My nipple is on Facebook.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
