Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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