i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
