My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
