Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
