I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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